I am currently on holiday in Italy in an area where I was at school and university for a time many years ago!
A friend who I made back then is kindly hosting me on this holiday. Back then – in our twenties – we were learning a new culture and a new language together and our friendship was
forged from that experience of mutual discovery. Catching up with her after a long time, however, has given me the opportunity to review my life choices!
I also realise however that, despite many difficulties, I have managed to stay true to myself and my dreams.
Developing connection
Finding love was difficult for me. I experienced punitive and religious schools where sex was
frowned on or misused. In all, I had nine changes of school and none of those schools included any education about sex or relationships!
Perhaps it was partly to do with this emotional deficiency that I embarked on three separate disastrous relationships with men until my late 30s. This left me blaming the men in question
for the outcome.
However, the transformation for me came when I found out that it was the way I was talking to myself that was the main problem. As Taylor Swift has it, ‘It’s me, hi/I’m the problem, it’s me.’
I consider myself lucky to have found someone to click with; someone who had had similar experiences as a young person but who had maintained a positive outlook despite this and also had similar ideals and dreams. In the last few years, we have been able to benefit each other through mutual creativity as well as on practical and spiritual levels.
Self-reflection
One of the outcomes of this supportive and creative relationship is my original research into the transformative power of storytelling and telling personal narratives, for which I gained
my PhD.
During the research, I discovered the way we tell our personal stories and how we reflect on our lives deeply affects those around us including future generations. One of the interviews I
carried out during my research was with three generations of one family over a ten-year period. Through that process, I learnt that having an ongoing conversation in real time – i.e. sharing
our voices across difference, can in itself be transformative for ourselves and others; it can also affect the choices that future generations make with their lives.
Want to know about Narrative Life Coaching? I have an exciting new in-person 90-minute masterclass I will be running in September. Sign up for my newsletter to receive monthly top
tips for changing your personal narrative and to find out all the details of the masterclass!
