The month’s Blog is about listening and presence – and John Keats. As the outside world has been quiet, I’ve tried to listen more: remember all those lonely hours with your discs (in my case vinyl records!) in your room as a teenager ‘living life golden!’ But I’ve also been catching up with loved ones. This can be challenging especially if there are different family dynamics going on. But as John Keats wrote ‘one of the most mysterious aspects of life’ is ‘one mind imagining into another’ – it’s the 200th anniversary of his death this year.
Other ‘minds’, however, don’t necessarily need to be other people: communicating with a journal, a voice recorder, or with your surroundings (if you keep it discrete!) is also great too. But don’t leave the humans behind for too long because, as Keats also said, ‘scenery is fine, but human nature is finer’ — that’s why I am still holding out for more conversations with ‘difficult’ relatives. As we get older, too often we treat people as a means to an end: ‘Did you call me because you wanted something from me?’ asked a relative. I felt like answering, ‘No, I just called to say I love you’!
Before we speak directly, the other person is like a blank cover or an unread book which can lead to flat rather view of them. Our heads start to fill up with ‘single stories’ of each other. We don’t allow for that diversity of voices which make for a rounded view. A good dialogue is call and response and a bit like a duet – sweet.
Can we listen too much, be too sensitive? That’s when we let the negative voices, whether from the outside or inside, get in. This is something that Brene Brown calls ‘gremlins’. If someone says too many critical things to us too often and we don’t answer back, we can start to feel we are invisible. A human voice can help us become more visible again, it is like the warmth of the sun and can prevent us from falling into all kinds of traps.
Talking and listening, call and response, takes time and requires real presence. If someone asked you for 20 minutes of your time right now, would you find it? The more time we make for ourselves, the more likely we will be able to listen to others. I wanted to leave you with the thought that your presence, just your presence, is a gift. It’s more valuable than any possession. Before modern times, the interconnections were so strong that people, places and material objects were all conceived of as, essentially, one: all were gifts!
I developed Narrative Life Coaching to help you set off on a journey towards the person you have always wanted to be. If you are looking for support please check out my website narrativelifecoaching.co.uk
I’m also starting a Facebook challenge from 1st April, about connection, presence, listening and communication. It’s a free 30-day challenge filled with inspiration and the chance to win my free course Developing Trustful Conversations. Please Like my page and email me at elizabeth@narrativelifecoaching.co.uk to sign up for the group challenge starting 1 April. Speak soon!
Warmly
X Elizabeth Rose