Are you falling victim to a bias?
I mean the kind of bias that works against yourself – for instance ‘people don’t care too much about me’; ‘I’m not seeing the results I should be seeing so I can’t be that good’ or even, ‘I’ll never make it however hard I try’.
When we have a bias, we feel we are putting something in place, but how much are we putting ourselves in a certain place? How much are we seeing correctly? After all ‘bias’ means, literally, sideways or aslant. So often we just can’t see what’s possible because of our viewpoint: ‘I cannot see the bottom of the sky, because I cannot see to the bottom of myself. It’s the symbol of my own infinity,’ wrote Henry Thoreau in his journal of 23 June 1840.
Seeing your infinity
The idea of tapping our infinite potential is what has driven explorers, inventors and change-makers of all kinds throughout history. I’m currently holidaying in the homeland of Captain Cook – but to be honest, recently, I have found it a challenge to see my own potential because there are so many ways in which, as we get older, consciously or unconsciously we start to subscribe to a narrative of limitation rather than expansion. Or you could call it the ‘spotlight’ effect – the spotlight is reserved for certain special people but not for us.
My parents venerated creatives and I grew up thinking creatives had access to something special, which my parents sometimes termed ‘sacred fire’. I’m not sure where they got that thought from but the result was I grew up feeling very much in the shadow of these ‘sacred fire’ people who I understood as having some kind of special access to creativity that I just didn’t or couldn’t have.
When I finally plucked up the courage to take an MA in Creative Writing my mother found ways to undermine my decision to go for it. I don’t hold it against her, but it meant that for years my own creative aspirations went underground and I am only being published now, more than a decade later.
Lift the curtain on the show
I did everything I could to avoid visibility: instead, I facilitated others’ creativity – I got myself an NGO job abroad, telling myself I was saving other people. I also found myself in a disastrous relationship. This landed me with a thyroid problem which meant that I lost my voice and various other important functions. I also took a research degree and learnt a new language but I still hadn’t learned to live creatively. It’s as though I was so involved in perfecting the backstage tasks, I forgot to set the stage and lift the curtain on the show.
It’s an easy enough trap to fall into if you’ve been brought up in an emotionally deprived landscape where criticism, blame and punishment are the norm and praise, nurture and self-care are in short supply. As life coach Louise Hay writes in You Can Heal Your Life – everyone is suffering from self-hatred and guilt of some kind. It takes courage to challenge your critics and detractors – starting with yourself. For instance as business coach Grace Lordan, author of Think Big: Take Small Steps and Build the Career You Want writes, making small changes in our life can have disproportionate effects.
The benefits of Narrative Life Coaching
I set up Narrative Life Coaching because I realised it’s not about them, it’s about you!
Changing the narrative. We tell ourselves means changing the goalposts in every area of our lives. In Communicate Your Story, my signature three-part course on finding better connectivity, presence, listening and communication, you will discover how owning and promoting your own narrative more opens the door to:
- Better connections and relationships
- Less fear and frustration
- More confidence and joy
- Enhanced decision-making skills
- Increased productivity and creativity
- Achievable vision- and goal-setting
- The ability to navigate uncertainty better
- Taking responsibility for your life in a way that feels right for you
The Communicate Your Story course has proven results in helping you to find more time, space and productivity in your life. If you’re interested in taking part in joining the next course we’re starting the intake soon. Be the first to know by contacting me here.
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Narrativelifecoaching.co.uk
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